Monday, August 28, 2006

George Foreman, Hell, and Danville VaD #2

What is the connection with George Foreman, Hell, and Danville? Well, both George and Hell were present at the annual Danville Mtb race September 26th. I am a South GA boy and a United Methodist minister so I know about Hell. I experienced the 100 degree 100% humidity living in South GA and I studied about Hell in seminary. Many scholars debate over the existence and characteristics of Hell. The Bible describes Hell as a place that is really hot, fire and brimstone, weeping and gnashing of teeth, torment and unrelenting pain. Yep, that was it, all wrapped up in a tight, twisty, dusty, whoopdedoo 8.5 mile Mtb course in Danville, VA. I know, you are now wondering what about ole George? Could it be his grill and the fact that it felt like we were cooking in his lean, mean, grilling machine? Nope. George put on his gloves one more time and was hiding behind every 2-inch tree on the course punching riders as they whizzed by.

I don't know if anyone else had that experience but I felt like I had gone 12 rounds with once hard-hitting Foreman. My upper body hadn't had a beating like that in a long time. The race starts and off we go. My legs feel good and I am feeling a little more confident with my technical skills. I hit the singletrack in 5th place and quickly moved up to about 3rd when other riders were falling off the course. I guess I got a little to confident or the course got twistyer (if that's a word). There was George and I saw him but there was nothing I could do. He snuck in a right hook around this little 2 inch tree and bam, I was down in less than a second. All I could do is quickly slide off to the right so I am not stampeded by the riders behind me. Three went by before I could mount and pedal off. Another mile or so there was George again. This time it was a left hook, bam and a few more riders went by. Another couple of miles and he did it again. I think I need some blades on my handlebars to cut through those trees. My legs are still feeling good, so I hop back on and pedal hard to catch up. Then there was the loose sand. I went down 3 other times that first lap from washing out in the turns.

Going down each time felt like ole George punching me somewhere in the body. I kept riding hard, sprint and slow down, sprint and slow down. Then there were the "whoopdedoos," those little rollers that punched me in the chest every time I went through them. Each one felt like I did 10 quick pushups. Multiply that by at least 100 of them and you will get 1000 pushups. I was glad to see the start/finish line on my first lap close to 1 hr. My legs still felt good but I had made several mistakes in this race.

1) Underestimating the length. I guessed it would take me about 45-50 per lap. I went out too hard and about 1/2 way through the 2nd lap my legs began to feel it. Also with going out too hard, I punished my upper body more than necessary by taking corners too fast and hitting trees.

2) Normally in the heat, I use ice in my Camelbak for rides over 2 hrs. I can fill my Mule up with ice, add beverage and have cold fluids for 4 hrs. Putting cold fluids in the body really helps to keep the core temperature down. I underestimating the heat and time on the bike. I figured the shade in the woods would be cool, nope. Then there were the moments riding through the fields. It was like someone opening an oven door. 1/2 through that second lap, my body temp began to rise, my upper body felt like wet noodles, and my legs were wanting to stop.

But then there is the male ego. No guy likes to get beat by a girl. I remember being beat up by a girl in 2nd grade. Everyone made fun of me. I kept looking over my shoulder and there she was. The beast of El Toreo--Paula Schimizzi. She was snarling, growling, and making noises scarier than Satan himself. Memories of being punched out by a girl flashed back. No, I will not be beat by a girl again, NOT THIS TIME! I pushed harder, holding her off until the last mile. She came around, punched me in the nose and laughed as she rode off in the distance. I shook my fist in the air and shouted an old Hebrew curse that was once used by Elisha. The Old Testament prophet Elisha needed a hair transplant and when he entering the local village, some kids laughed at Elisha calling him "baldy." He called down a curse upon them and "two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths" (2 Kings 2:23-25).

Sometimes we say things when in pain. I didn't really mean too but it happened. Paula rode too fast for the bear to catch her but a little heat exhaustion found her shortly after the finish line. Sorry Paula, glad you feel better. Yes, I was beat by a girl. I only finished about 30 seconds ahead of her in the previous race so I think we will be fighting it through the entire series.

Overall I had a great time, enjoyed the fellowship with team El Toreo and didn't need any stitches. Thats a little joke for Ryan. Ryan wreckes about every other ride and we visit the ER. I am going to do a entire post on his riding adventures. He didn't wreck and finished just a few minutes behind me.

Ride hard for the end is near!

Maybe I should change my moto to "ride hard for a bear is chasing you."




Team El Toreo's tent and crew. Sponsored by the best Mexican food in Roanoke!


Ron bringing home the bronze and green. 3rd place overall. Not bad for an old guy.




Chris medaling again. 2nd place, beginner class. Way to go!



Warren the Single speed king. 3rd place Single speed class. Thats right, he races a coaster beach bike, 1 speed. Well, maybe not a beach bike but it is one speed. Just a note to all those wishing you had more gears. Warren finishes faster than most of the people with 27 gears!

http://bicyclesoup.blogspot.com/



Paula aka "the beast" 1st Woman's 35+ Sport division.

http://bikerchickypookie.blogspot.com/


**based on true story, details elaborated, stretched, and embellished for the sake of trying to find humor in Hell. The story about Elisha and the bear is true, look it up. So be careful what you call your minister!